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You are here: Home / The Teen Years / The Autism Teen Years. This is 13.

The Autism Teen Years. This is 13.

October 6, 2019 by Lisa 3 Comments

Norrin will be 14 in January. FOURTEEN. I can’t even wrap my mind around that. I started writing about our autism journey in 2010. He was a baby…three and a half years old. Now he’s 13. And if I’m going to be completely honest – the autism teen years, so far, have been a lot.

Autism Teen Atypical Familia

It’s been more than a year since I’ve written anything. I’ve had post ideas and drafts in mind but life got in the way. Sitting at the computer, writing about autism and family and parenting, didn’t feel right. I felt like I was trying to be something I wasn’t, I was writing for the wrong reasons. And after the separation, I had a major case of imposter syndrome. I didn’t think I had anything to offer.

Other things happened, things that are for another post, another blog. I needed time to heal, to think and figure things out. Things are better, life has become more manageable. Slowly I’m figuring stuff out.

Part of the figuring out is handling the autism teen years. What better way to get back into blogging than to share where we’re at right now. And right now, we’re smack dab in the middle of puberty. So that’s been interesting…

AUTISM TEEN YEARS: THE GOOD

For Norrin’s 13th birthday, we went to Disneyland. After our autism awareness moment on Jet Blue, I didn’t think traveling by plane with Norrin was possible. Never mind, traveling with him alone on a 6 hour flight to California. But we did it! And it was an amazing vacation.

It was nice to have that time – just me and him. We had fun. We got on rides. He loved Cars Land, obviously. But it was Norrin’s willingness to try new rides that surprised me and to get on rides that used to scare him. Our last visit to Walt Disney World – he refused to get on Soarin. At Disneyland, he rode it twice! And he typically needs some coaxing for Star Tours but this trip, he requested it and we rode it four times.

Autism Teen at Disneyland Atypical Familia

There are times when I miss him being smaller, a cuddly baby that could easily sit in my lap. Our trip to Disneyland made me realize the perks of having a teenage son. We were just able to hang out and have fun. Parenting is almost easier.

Related: 5 Things I Learned on our Mother Son Vacation to Universal Orlando Resort

AUTISM TEEN YEARS: The Bad

When Norrin was first diagnosed with autism, I felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole…hence AutismWonderland. I often wondered and asked if it ever got easier. For a little while it did feel like it got easier. Easier in the sense that I got better at navigating the system and getting Norrin’s needs met.

Parenting is NOT easier. Parenting a teenager with autism is not easier.

Handling puberty has not been easy, especially as a single mom.

Walking my 5’8 son into the ladies room is hard.

Assisting, prompting him with bathing, toileting and reminding him to put on lotion and deodorant. These self-help life skills continue to be taught on a daily basis.

I worry if he'll ever be independent. #AutismTeenYears Click To Tweet

Will there be a time when he’ll no longer need prompting for these basic day to day things?

Related: We Need More Family Bathrooms

Then there’s the teenage attitude. Which for all of Norrin’s developmental delays…the attitude is age appropriate and right on point. No delays there. He’s very much a 13 year old boy. He refuses to hold my hand, isn’t as eager to give me a hug or kiss hello. He’ll come home from school or his dads and close (slams, really) his bedroom door and asks for privacy. He’s growing up.

Autism Teen Years: The Reality

In many ways Norrin is very innocent. He still loves Paw Patrol and Thomas the Train (it will probably always be about Thomas). And like most boys his age, he loves video games and thinks fart jokes are funny. He’s not a “typical” teenage boy. But the reality is, he’s not a baby.

The reality is, his disability is invisible. And my son looks very much like a young man.

He’s 5’8 and wears a size 11 sneaker. He’s starting to grow facial hair. He doesn’t always understand personal space. We constantly work on appropriate language and behavior.

The reality is, the older and bigger he gets – the more scared for him I become. I worry about his future, his safety. I worry about what his life will be like when I’m gone. And then my thoughts spiral out of control and I have to reign it all in.

I can’t stop him from growing up. And while I can prepare for his future (more on that later), I am learning not to worry beyond today. I have to trust my motherly instincts, continue doing the next right thing.

Most of all, I have to remember that he makes continuous progress. Looking back at where he’s been and where he’s at now, I am reminded that all I can do is give time, time.

Related

Filed Under: Autism, Autism Parenting, The Teen Years Tagged With: Atypical Familia, Atypical Kid, Atypical Mami, Autism, Autism Parenting, Keeping It Real, The Teen Years

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Comments

  1. Takisha says

    October 8, 2019 at 12:04 am

    Lisa,
    I’m sure you’ve helped (and will continue to help) so many by writing about your experiences. I applaud you for your candor, your vulnerability and your courage to share.
    Welcome back!

    Reply
    • Takisha says

      October 8, 2019 at 12:06 am

      Congratulations. You are an awesome Mom!

      Reply
  2. Paige Cassandra Flamm says

    January 14, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    You child is so lucky to have you in his corner! My daughter is only 5 but the unknown of the future causes so much anxiety, but this article helps me to see that there will be so much good along the way and that while there are obstacles, all things will be manageable!

    Paige
    http://thehappyflammily.om

    Reply

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Hi, I'm Lisa aka @laliquin on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest & Snapchat. I'm a 40-something mom raising a son with autism in The Bronx, NYC.

Atypical Familia is a personal blog & resource site for Typical Parents raising Extraordinary Kids. We focus on autism parenting, special needs travel, work/life balance, family entertainment and more. This is parenting from a unique perspective.

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I'm Lisa aka @laliquin on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest & Snapchat. Get to know more about me and my familia!

Atypical Familia focuses on autism parenting, special needs travel, work/life balance, family entertainment and more. If you'd like to work with us, send us an email: autismwonderland(@)gmail.com. 

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🐢 🦥 Slow and steady... I don’t want to mis 🐢 🦥 Slow and steady... I don’t want to miss a thing.
I should be working... but it’s Sunday and I’m I should be working... but it’s Sunday and I’m easily distracted. P.S. Why didn’t y’all tell me about Married at First Sight sooner?! How is it that 9 seasons in, I’m just discovering it?
cre•ate : bring (something) into existence 🌻 cre•ate : bring (something) into existence 🌻 woke up grateful for another day and the life I’ve been able to create. Day by day, my life gets better because I get better. It’s been a slow process. First I had to figure out the life I wanted. Then I had to realize that I DESERVE the life I wanted.
Happy. Unhappy. Stronger. Weaker. Better. Worse. C Happy. Unhappy. Stronger. Weaker. Better. Worse. Change. Complain. Accept. Deny. Accomplish. Regret. Finish. Quit. 
I DECIDE. 👊🏽
🦋 🦋
🖤 🖤
It’s more than okay. Today I can be grateful not It’s more than okay. Today I can be grateful nothing in my life turned out the way I planned. My life is turning out to be exactly the way it’s supposed to be. My HPs plan is better than I could’ve ever dreamed of. 🌻
Just winging it. Life. Eyeliner. Everything. Just winging it. Life. Eyeliner. Everything.
Never ever 🖤🌀 Never ever 🖤🌀
4🔥5 . . . . . As per my young friends “This 4🔥5 
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As per my young friends “This gotta go on the grid. This is not a story pic.” 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you for this collective effort 📷 @ashestogoodvibes @loutimes5 💛 #flyageless
euphoria: the feeling or state of intense exciteme euphoria: the feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness 🌻 I may struggle with depression and anxiety but I also have moments of pure and genuine happiness. That is where I am right now. One of the gifts I’ve received in sobriety is the ability to hold space for all of my emotions. I feel them, I acknowledge them and I let them pass. For me, it’s in the passing where the power is... I don’t stay in it. ✨ 45 is going to be amazing. ✨
Depression and anxiety can easily knock me down. B Depression and anxiety can easily knock me down. But I continue to get up. I do my hair, throw on some hoops, dab a little gloss and give myself a pep talk. Dear Me, I know you’re scared, but you can handle this. Keep going. Love, Me 🌻#selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
No I’m sorry or explanation necessary. Just NO a No I’m sorry or explanation necessary. Just NO and keep it moving. ”No” is hard when you’re a people pleaser but boundaries are absolutely necessary. It’s something I’m learning to do to maintain my own peace of mind. Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect. And I respect myself way too much to allow anyone to disrespect me. 💥 periodt ✌🏼 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
I try to start my mornings with a gratitude list. I try to start my mornings with a gratitude list. After meditating and writing my list, I opened my Beautiful You book. Describing myself in 25 words or less without using roles or physical features was not easy. It took a little time. But I did. Making healthy choices, setting boundaries is a daily practice. I am grateful I have the willingness to do so. I am grateful I can pause and breathe through my anxiety. I am grateful I have the courage to follow my dreams. Thank you @rosiemolinary - I am grateful for your words and online presence in my life. Hope we can be in the same room again soon. xoxo amiga 💛 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
One of my favorite Frida quotes... I understand th One of my favorite Frida quotes... I understand the loneliness. More so during the quarantine. As painful as it has been, it’s allowed me to heal. The solitude forced me to figure myself out. I may not always be happy about my situation, but I am happy with myself. And I think it shows. 💛 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
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