The Question I Keep Asking Myself in Anticipation of Turning 40

I’m turning 40 next month. Earlier this year, I made a “Before I Turn 40” bucket list and just thinking about it makes me laugh. Because I haven’t done a damn thing on it. I mean, I knew I probably wasn’t going to pierce my nose or get a tattoo, but I thought I’d at least do something.

I’m not too concerned about my list. I’ve learned to let go of timetables. I know everything on that list is completely doable (I ain’t 4o yet). And if it isn’t, nothing on that list will make or break me.

I’ve been thinking about turning 40. Not in the OMG, I’m so old/what have I done with my life/midlife crisis kinda way.

Turning 40 is a major milestone.

And I can’t help but reflect on the last three big birthdays. Each one was a major turning point in my life. Each milestone year changed my life completely.

I met Joseph shortly after turning 25. (He was about to turn 30.) By the following year, we were in love.

I celebrated my 30th birthday, 5 months pregnant and on my birthday weekend, I found out we were having a baby boy.

And on my 35th birthday I was mourning my miscarriage.

25 brought love.

30 brought life.

35 brought loss.

What will 40 bring?

I don’t know. But I am hopeful.