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You are here: Home / Autism Parenting / I Don’t Need to Hear I Love You

I Don’t Need to Hear I Love You

February 14, 2018 by Lisa 3 Comments

When Norrin was seven years old, I could count the times he spontaneously said “I love you” to me on one hand.

I Love You - 3 Words I Don't Often Hear via Atypical Familia by Lisa Quinones Fontanez

Years before, when I was waiting for Norrin’s words to emerge, I used to read him a story, kiss him goodnight and say, “I love you.” I wondered if I would ever hear those words back from him. I wondered if he would have any words at all.

Eventually the words came. And we prompted him to repeat many things. At bed time, I’d go through our ritual. Story. Kiss. I love you. And I’d wait. I’d wait for him to say the words every mother longs to hear. But I refused to prompt him to say, “I love you” back. I wanted him to say the words when he was ready and only when he absolutely meant them.

And now at night, I’ll read Norrin a story, kiss him goodnight and say I love you. Most night he says, “I love you, too.” Other nights he simply says, “Yes, I know.”

I’d be lying if I said “I love you” didn’t feel good to hear. But I don’t need to hear it from Norrin because I know that he loves me.

I know that he loves me when I walk in from work. He runs to the door to greet me with a smile on his face, his hands flapping with excitement.

I know that he loves me when he grabs my hand and asks me to read a story. Or when he simply sits beside me while I’m writing and rests his head on my shoulder.

I know that he loves me when he’s hurt or scared or sick and I’m the only one he seeks for comfort.

A Mother Understands What a Child Does Not Say - Jewish Proverb Click To Tweet

Some parents take “I love you” for granted. Some parents, wrapped up in their own chaotic day to day, ignore these declarations of love. Me? I cherish each and every time Norrin says it. And while the words are nice, they are not required. Because what I cherish even more is when he shows me he loves me.

A Mother Understands What a Child Does Not Say

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Filed Under: Autism Parenting, Mamihood, The Personal, Valentine's Day Tagged With: Motherhood

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Comments

  1. Carmen Marin says

    February 19, 2018 at 11:56 am

    Hi Lisa,

    I came across your blog a few months ago during my endless autism google searches and reading your stories is so refreshing and so close to my heart as a mom of a four year old non verbal boy in the spectrum. I agree with this particular story because my son shows me in so many different ways how much he loves me …he even hugs me in his sleep.
    I just want to take the time to thank you for sharing your story and you are an inspiration. There is so much work head but it’s encouraging to see how well your son is doing and it gives me a sense of hope. I look forward to your stories 🙂
    On another note I think we might have attended the same middle school in Queens.. I.S. 73Q.

    Reply
  2. Todd Sensing says

    March 27, 2018 at 12:00 pm

    Agree. Our 14yo son with ASD has little language but is very affectionate. He shows so much emotion and love through his actions. Our older son, 16yo and also with ASD, has much more language and is super generous with the “I love you’s” but shows much less physical affection. My wife and I joke that we probably smother them with “I love you’s” enough for all of us.” 😉 Great blog!

    Reply
  3. Johanna says

    November 14, 2018 at 11:31 am

    Reading over all the comments made me feel a sense of hope. I am a new mom who has a 3 year old who has been diagnose with Autism and I have been struggling on a daily with not knowing certain things. I have been nervous for my sons future. Being from the Bronx I feel there is not much to turn to for help but I am fighting right now to get my son into a cpse preschool.

    Reply

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Hi, I'm Lisa aka @laliquin on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest & Snapchat. I'm a 40-something mom raising a son with autism in The Bronx, NYC.

Atypical Familia is a personal blog & resource site for Typical Parents raising Extraordinary Kids. We focus on autism parenting, special needs travel, work/life balance, family entertainment and more. This is parenting from a unique perspective.

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I'm Lisa aka @laliquin on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest & Snapchat. Get to know more about me and my familia!

Atypical Familia focuses on autism parenting, special needs travel, work/life balance, family entertainment and more. If you'd like to work with us, send us an email: autismwonderland(@)gmail.com. 

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🐢 🦥 Slow and steady... I don’t want to mis 🐢 🦥 Slow and steady... I don’t want to miss a thing.
I should be working... but it’s Sunday and I’m I should be working... but it’s Sunday and I’m easily distracted. P.S. Why didn’t y’all tell me about Married at First Sight sooner?! How is it that 9 seasons in, I’m just discovering it?
cre•ate : bring (something) into existence 🌻 cre•ate : bring (something) into existence 🌻 woke up grateful for another day and the life I’ve been able to create. Day by day, my life gets better because I get better. It’s been a slow process. First I had to figure out the life I wanted. Then I had to realize that I DESERVE the life I wanted.
Happy. Unhappy. Stronger. Weaker. Better. Worse. C Happy. Unhappy. Stronger. Weaker. Better. Worse. Change. Complain. Accept. Deny. Accomplish. Regret. Finish. Quit. 
I DECIDE. 👊🏽
🦋 🦋
🖤 🖤
It’s more than okay. Today I can be grateful not It’s more than okay. Today I can be grateful nothing in my life turned out the way I planned. My life is turning out to be exactly the way it’s supposed to be. My HPs plan is better than I could’ve ever dreamed of. 🌻
Just winging it. Life. Eyeliner. Everything. Just winging it. Life. Eyeliner. Everything.
Never ever 🖤🌀 Never ever 🖤🌀
4🔥5 . . . . . As per my young friends “This 4🔥5 
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As per my young friends “This gotta go on the grid. This is not a story pic.” 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you for this collective effort 📷 @ashestogoodvibes @loutimes5 💛 #flyageless
euphoria: the feeling or state of intense exciteme euphoria: the feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness 🌻 I may struggle with depression and anxiety but I also have moments of pure and genuine happiness. That is where I am right now. One of the gifts I’ve received in sobriety is the ability to hold space for all of my emotions. I feel them, I acknowledge them and I let them pass. For me, it’s in the passing where the power is... I don’t stay in it. ✨ 45 is going to be amazing. ✨
Depression and anxiety can easily knock me down. B Depression and anxiety can easily knock me down. But I continue to get up. I do my hair, throw on some hoops, dab a little gloss and give myself a pep talk. Dear Me, I know you’re scared, but you can handle this. Keep going. Love, Me 🌻#selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
No I’m sorry or explanation necessary. Just NO a No I’m sorry or explanation necessary. Just NO and keep it moving. ”No” is hard when you’re a people pleaser but boundaries are absolutely necessary. It’s something I’m learning to do to maintain my own peace of mind. Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect. And I respect myself way too much to allow anyone to disrespect me. 💥 periodt ✌🏼 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
I try to start my mornings with a gratitude list. I try to start my mornings with a gratitude list. After meditating and writing my list, I opened my Beautiful You book. Describing myself in 25 words or less without using roles or physical features was not easy. It took a little time. But I did. Making healthy choices, setting boundaries is a daily practice. I am grateful I have the willingness to do so. I am grateful I can pause and breathe through my anxiety. I am grateful I have the courage to follow my dreams. Thank you @rosiemolinary - I am grateful for your words and online presence in my life. Hope we can be in the same room again soon. xoxo amiga 💛 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
One of my favorite Frida quotes... I understand th One of my favorite Frida quotes... I understand the loneliness. More so during the quarantine. As painful as it has been, it’s allowed me to heal. The solitude forced me to figure myself out. I may not always be happy about my situation, but I am happy with myself. And I think it shows. 💛 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
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