When Norrin was seven years old, I could count the times he spontaneously said “I love you” to me on one hand.
Years before, when I was waiting for Norrin’s words to emerge, I used to read him a story, kiss him goodnight and say, “I love you.” I wondered if I would ever hear those words back from him. I wondered if he would have any words at all.
Eventually the words came. And we prompted him to repeat many things. At bed time, I’d go through our ritual. Story. Kiss. I love you. And I’d wait. I’d wait for him to say the words every mother longs to hear. But I refused to prompt him to say, “I love you” back. I wanted him to say the words when he was ready and only when he absolutely meant them.
And now at night, I’ll read Norrin a story, kiss him goodnight and say I love you. Most night he says, “I love you, too.” Other nights he simply says, “Yes, I know.”
I’d be lying if I said “I love you” didn’t feel good to hear. But I don’t need to hear it from Norrin because I know that he loves me.
I know that he loves me when I walk in from work. He runs to the door to greet me with a smile on his face, his hands flapping with excitement.
I know that he loves me when he grabs my hand and asks me to read a story. Or when he simply sits beside me while I’m writing and rests his head on my shoulder.
I know that he loves me when he’s hurt or scared or sick and I’m the only one he seeks for comfort.
A Mother Understands What a Child Does Not Say - Jewish Proverb Click To Tweet
Some parents take “I love you” for granted. Some parents, wrapped up in their own chaotic day to day, ignore these declarations of love. Me? I cherish each and every time Norrin says it. And while the words are nice, they are not required. Because what I cherish even more is when he shows me he loves me.
Hi Lisa,
I came across your blog a few months ago during my endless autism google searches and reading your stories is so refreshing and so close to my heart as a mom of a four year old non verbal boy in the spectrum. I agree with this particular story because my son shows me in so many different ways how much he loves me …he even hugs me in his sleep.
I just want to take the time to thank you for sharing your story and you are an inspiration. There is so much work head but it’s encouraging to see how well your son is doing and it gives me a sense of hope. I look forward to your stories 🙂
On another note I think we might have attended the same middle school in Queens.. I.S. 73Q.
Agree. Our 14yo son with ASD has little language but is very affectionate. He shows so much emotion and love through his actions. Our older son, 16yo and also with ASD, has much more language and is super generous with the “I love you’s” but shows much less physical affection. My wife and I joke that we probably smother them with “I love you’s” enough for all of us.” 😉 Great blog!
Reading over all the comments made me feel a sense of hope. I am a new mom who has a 3 year old who has been diagnose with Autism and I have been struggling on a daily with not knowing certain things. I have been nervous for my sons future. Being from the Bronx I feel there is not much to turn to for help but I am fighting right now to get my son into a cpse preschool.