A mother and her 11-year-old son are out enjoying the day. The son says he has to use the bathroom.
Does the mother:
(a) Take her son into a ladies room with her
(b) Send him into a mens room alone
(c) Search until she finds a single unisex bathroom and stands guard outside the door
(d) Curse that there aren’t more family bathrooms available
I don’t know what you would do, but (if I couldn’t find a unisex bathroom) I would take my son into the ladies room, while cursing under my breath because there isn’t a family restroom available. And if I had to use the ladies room, not only would my son be in the ladies room, but he’d be in the stall with me.
When I’m with my husband, the bathroom isn’t an issue. But on days when it’s just me and my son – it is. And there are people who believe that boys 6 years and older should use the men’s room.
(L) Photo posted on Public Facebook page (R) Photo I took of Family Bathroom sign at Ridge Hill in Westchester
Related: If You See My Son in the Ladies Room
Yeah…even if I had a typical kid I would not let my 6-year-old walk into the men’s room alone. Not happening.
Why Special Needs Parents/Caretakers NEED Family Bathrooms
Norrin is 11. He’s a pretty big kid. The older (and bigger) Norrin gets, the more awkward I feel about bringing him into the ladies room. But Norrin has autism and while he is quite verbal, he cannot be left unsupervised. He needs constant redirection and prompting.
Norrin cannot tell me if someone has touched him inappropriately. He has difficulty picking up social cues. Left unattended in a public bathroom, he could easily bang on the stall doors, reach into the garbage, eat something off the floor, walk out without pulling up his pants or not clean himself properly.
I assumed sons in the ladies room was just a concern for special needs parents. I had no idea parents of typical kids worry about this too. But there is a huge difference between their concerns and mine.
Parents of typical kids know that one day their kids will be able to navigate a public restroom independently. For special needs parents, its a goal, another milestone among many.
It’s something added to IEPs. We discuss strategies with other parents and therapists. We wait. And we hope.
Being an autism parent can be incredibly isolating. Raising a kid with an invisible disability makes parents susceptible to so much judgement. The older my son gets, bringing him into the ladies room will raise eyebrows.
Unlike parents of typical kids, I don’t wonder when Norrin will be able to use public restrooms alone, I wonder if he’ll be able to use them alone.
Family restrooms are few and far between, but whenever I see one, it feels like a little luxury. I can waltz in with Norrin without judgement. It’s where I feel comfortable teaching Norrin how to navigate a public bathroom.
Family restrooms allow my son the dignity he deserves. I just wish there were more of them. Don’t you?
Yes! we do need more family bathrooms! Where do we start? I cared for my elderly father and if I took him out to lunch, what was I to do when he needed to use the bathroom? (He needed my help). What about all the Wounded Warriors with care givers of the opposite gender?
And yes, Transgender people, too! Bodily functions should not be politicized.
WHAT CAN WE DO? WHERE DO WE START?