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You are here: Home / The Personal / How I’m Learning to Cope with My Depression

How I’m Learning to Cope with My Depression

May 22, 2014 by Lisa 4 Comments

Mental Pain Mental Health Awareness via Atypical Familia by Lisa Quinones Fontanez

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

Earlier this week I posted a photo of myself sitting in the waiting room of my therapists office. I’ve been seeing her twice a month for almost two years. Shortly after I posted the picture, two friends reached out. They admitted to needing someone to talk to and asked where I found my therapist.

You can search for therapist in your area here: therapists.psychologytoday.com

I have lived with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Returning to therapy after becoming a mother was probably the best thing I ever could have done for my family.

For a long time, I felt embarrassed by seeing a therapist. Like it was something to hide and be ashamed of. I saw my depression and anxiety as this flaw within myself. It became this thing that I needed to get over instead of a condition I needed to cope with.

Related: To The Nurse Who Shamed Me About My Depression

What Depression and Anxiety Can Feel Like (for Me)

Depression and anxiety can feel crippling. It is both unexpected and predictable. There are days when I have to convince myself to get out of bed and walk out of the apartment because being around people is difficult and talking requires too much work. Some days, everything feels out of place and I feel like an outsider in my own life. But it can also feel as comfortable and familiar as an old shoe because it’s so easy to slip right into.

There are days when I am fighting back tears and nights when I cry myself to sleep. Every part of my body hurts, my head aches, my hands shake and the pounding in my chest won’t stop. I feel dizzy and weak and I concentrate on every step I take because I am scared I’ll collapse in the street.

There are times when all I want to do is sleep but it isn’t really an escape. It comes to me in my dreams of drowning, falling, searching or being trapped. I wake up in a panic and unable to fall back asleep.

When depression takes over, I eat too much, drink too much, shop too much or say yes to too much. It is my attempt to fill the unfillable void. And it is often the “too much” in my life that fuels my anxiety. The more I take on, the more chaotic and uncontrollable my life becomes – the more anxious I become. And the more anxious I become, the deeper I fall into depression. It is this vicious cycle.

(How I am) Coping with Depression and Anxiety

Therapy. Being a special needs mom, I spend so much of my time focusing on what Norrin needs. It became easy to neglect the things that I needed. I told myself, I didn’t have the time or the extra money to see a therapist. But it got to the point where I couldn’t live with the way I was feeling. If Norrin needed something, I’d find the money and the time to make it happen – I had to do the same for myself. Therapy is helping me be a better mom.

Crying. This may seem like a strange way to cope. But I always feel so much better after a good long cry. So often we are told to “get over it”, to “move on” or to “be happy.”  Suppressing feelings of depression and/or anxiety isn’t healthy. Crying is sometimes the release I need in order to move forward.

Take Inventory. On nights when I can’t sleep, I think about all the good things in my life. I count all of my blessings and the things that I am grateful for. I count all the people in my life who help lift me up.

Just Breathe. When I get a panic attack, I stop what I’m doing, sit down and breathe. I close my eyes and breathe in and out slowly.

There isn’t a bandaid or quick fix to manage depression and anxiety. It is an ongoing commitment I have made to myself. And on days when I fall, I don’t beat myself over it. I tell myself that I can try again tomorrow.

Coping with Depression and Anxiety Atypical Familia

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I wanted to share some information regarding “Depression in Women” from www.mentalhealthamerica.net.

Contrary to popular belief, clinical depression is not a “normal part of being a woman” nor is it a “female weakness.” Depressive illnesses are serious medical illnesses that affect more than 19 million American adults age 18 and over each year. Depression is a treatable medical illness that can occur in any woman, at any time, and for various reasons regardless of age, race or income.

    • “Approximately 12 million women in the United States experience clinical depression each year.”
    • “About 1 in every 8 women can expect to develop clinical depression during their lifetime.”
    • “Depression occurs most frequently in women aged 25 to 44.”
    • “Social factors may also lead to higher rates of clinical depression among women, including stress from work, family responsibilities, the roles and expectations of women and increased rates of sexual abuse and poverty.”
    • “Girls 14-18 years of age have consistently higher rates of depression than boys in this age group.””Fewer than half of the women who experience clinical depression will ever seek care.”
    • “More than 80 percent of people with depression can be treated successfully with medication, psychotherapy or a combination of both.”
    • “More than one-half of women cited denial as a barrier to treatment [for depression] while 41% of women surveyed cited embarrassment or shame as barriers to treatment.”

 

A post shared by MORGAN LYNZI⠀⠀⠀⠀ (@morganlynzi) on Jun 8, 2018 at 8:56am PDT

 

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Filed Under: Feature, The Personal Tagged With: Atypical Mami, Depression

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Comments

  1. Bohemian Babushka says

    May 24, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    For this post I thank you from the bottom of my heart. BB2U #StopTheStigma

    Reply
  2. Mama Kat says

    May 25, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    I. Needed. To read this. Thank you thank you thank you for writing it! My daughter is 10 and her whole life she has been slipping into exactly what you've described. I've never understood it and this year it has been really taking over. She gets sick consistently once a month, misses a ton of school, stops speaking to us, cries, feels sad, feels dizzy…I've taken her to so many doctors appointments to try to figure out what is going on with her and last week finally found a therapist I think will be perfect for her.

    Your post made me feel even more confident I'm on the right track!

    Reply
    • Lisa says

      August 13, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      It is so hard to see anyone in pain and feeling absolutely helpless…especially when it's a child. I hope your daughter is doing well and that she feels comfortable with her therapist. You are definitely on the right track! HUGS Mama

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. My Only Goal For This Year {My Word For 2015} says:
    June 16, 2015 at 8:06 pm

    […] Anyone who really knows me (and I guess anyone who reads my blog religiously) knows that I live with anxiety and depression. Joseph describes me as “high-strung” and worries that I’ll give myself a heart […]

    Reply

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Hi, I'm Lisa aka @laliquin on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest & Snapchat. I'm a 40-something mom raising a son with autism in The Bronx, NYC.

Atypical Familia is a personal blog & resource site for Typical Parents raising Extraordinary Kids. We focus on autism parenting, special needs travel, work/life balance, family entertainment and more. This is parenting from a unique perspective.

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I'm Lisa aka @laliquin on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest & Snapchat. Get to know more about me and my familia!

Atypical Familia focuses on autism parenting, special needs travel, work/life balance, family entertainment and more. If you'd like to work with us, send us an email: autismwonderland(@)gmail.com. 

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laliquin

🐢 🦥 Slow and steady... I don’t want to mis 🐢 🦥 Slow and steady... I don’t want to miss a thing.
I should be working... but it’s Sunday and I’m I should be working... but it’s Sunday and I’m easily distracted. P.S. Why didn’t y’all tell me about Married at First Sight sooner?! How is it that 9 seasons in, I’m just discovering it?
cre•ate : bring (something) into existence 🌻 cre•ate : bring (something) into existence 🌻 woke up grateful for another day and the life I’ve been able to create. Day by day, my life gets better because I get better. It’s been a slow process. First I had to figure out the life I wanted. Then I had to realize that I DESERVE the life I wanted.
Happy. Unhappy. Stronger. Weaker. Better. Worse. C Happy. Unhappy. Stronger. Weaker. Better. Worse. Change. Complain. Accept. Deny. Accomplish. Regret. Finish. Quit. 
I DECIDE. 👊🏽
🦋 🦋
🖤 🖤
It’s more than okay. Today I can be grateful not It’s more than okay. Today I can be grateful nothing in my life turned out the way I planned. My life is turning out to be exactly the way it’s supposed to be. My HPs plan is better than I could’ve ever dreamed of. 🌻
Just winging it. Life. Eyeliner. Everything. Just winging it. Life. Eyeliner. Everything.
Never ever 🖤🌀 Never ever 🖤🌀
4🔥5 . . . . . As per my young friends “This 4🔥5 
.
.
.
.
.
As per my young friends “This gotta go on the grid. This is not a story pic.” 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you for this collective effort 📷 @ashestogoodvibes @loutimes5 💛 #flyageless
euphoria: the feeling or state of intense exciteme euphoria: the feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness 🌻 I may struggle with depression and anxiety but I also have moments of pure and genuine happiness. That is where I am right now. One of the gifts I’ve received in sobriety is the ability to hold space for all of my emotions. I feel them, I acknowledge them and I let them pass. For me, it’s in the passing where the power is... I don’t stay in it. ✨ 45 is going to be amazing. ✨
Depression and anxiety can easily knock me down. B Depression and anxiety can easily knock me down. But I continue to get up. I do my hair, throw on some hoops, dab a little gloss and give myself a pep talk. Dear Me, I know you’re scared, but you can handle this. Keep going. Love, Me 🌻#selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
No I’m sorry or explanation necessary. Just NO a No I’m sorry or explanation necessary. Just NO and keep it moving. ”No” is hard when you’re a people pleaser but boundaries are absolutely necessary. It’s something I’m learning to do to maintain my own peace of mind. Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect. And I respect myself way too much to allow anyone to disrespect me. 💥 periodt ✌🏼 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
I try to start my mornings with a gratitude list. I try to start my mornings with a gratitude list. After meditating and writing my list, I opened my Beautiful You book. Describing myself in 25 words or less without using roles or physical features was not easy. It took a little time. But I did. Making healthy choices, setting boundaries is a daily practice. I am grateful I have the willingness to do so. I am grateful I can pause and breathe through my anxiety. I am grateful I have the courage to follow my dreams. Thank you @rosiemolinary - I am grateful for your words and online presence in my life. Hope we can be in the same room again soon. xoxo amiga 💛 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
One of my favorite Frida quotes... I understand th One of my favorite Frida quotes... I understand the loneliness. More so during the quarantine. As painful as it has been, it’s allowed me to heal. The solitude forced me to figure myself out. I may not always be happy about my situation, but I am happy with myself. And I think it shows. 💛 #selfcareseptember #radicalbodylove
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